Feedback is essential for personal and professional growth. However, while much attention is given to how feedback is delivered, less focus is placed on the equally critical skill of receiving feedback.
Receiving feedback isn’t always easy. Emotional reactions, biases, or poorly delivered feedback can make the process challenging. Yet, how we respond to feedback defines its impact. This article explores why receiving feedback is hard, strategies for handling it effectively and tips for proactively seeking feedback to foster growth.
This article pairs with our earlier one, “The ‘F’ in Feedback: A Leader’s Guide to Giving Feedback”, providing a complete framework for mastering feedback.
Why Receiving Feedback Is Difficult
Receiving feedback can be a challenging experience, and our natural instincts often work against us:
- Emotional Triggers: Feedback can feel personal, sparking defensiveness or self-doubt. Learning to manage these emotions is key to growth.
- Biases: We naturally prefer feedback that aligns with our self-perception, making critical insights harder to accept. This bias can prevent us from seeing opportunities for improvement.
- Delivery Issues: Poorly communicated feedback—whether too vague, overly harsh, or unbalanced—can obscure valuable insights, even when intentions are good.
- Power Dynamics: Feedback from authority figures can feel intimidating or overly critical, making it difficult to process constructively.
- Past Perceptions: Experiences of poorly delivered feedback can inadvertently taint perception going forward.
Understanding these challenges is the first step toward reframing feedback as a constructive tool for improvement rather than a confrontation.
The Importance of Asking for Feedback
Proactively seeking feedback empowers you to control your growth. Waiting passively for feedback limits opportunities for improvement and can leave you unaware of blind spots.
Why Ask for Feedback?
- Clarity: Gain insights into how others perceive your work and align with expectations.
- Trust: Build stronger relationships by showing a willingness to learn and grow.
- Prevent Surprises: Regularly seeking feedback ensures you address issues before they escalate into major problems.
- Self-Efficacy: A demonstration of your ongoing desire for self-improvement.
How to Ask Effectively:
- Be Specific: Ask targeted questions like, “How can I improve my delegation skills?” rather than a general, “How am I doing?”
- Time It Well: Request feedback in calm moments or at the conclusion of a project when the other person can provide thoughtful input while remembering to allow time for reflection.
- Create a Safe Environment: Make it clear that you value honesty: “I’m looking for candid insights to improve my approach.”
- Follow-through: Act on the feedback and circle back with results to show that you take it seriously.
- Don’t influence: Resist the urge to shape their response by using statements like: “I think I am…”
- Ask for examples: Seek genuine real-world examples that provide evidence and support feedback.”
By seeking feedback, you demonstrate initiative and self-awareness, setting the stage for success.
Five Key Practices for Receiving Feedback
- Focus: Listen attentively, putting aside distractions and assumptions. Clarify points to ensure understanding: “Can you elaborate on what you mean by this area for improvement?”
- Flexibility: Stay open to different perspectives, even when they challenge your self-perception. Feedback often reveals blind spots that can lead to significant growth.
- Fairness: Evaluate feedback objectively. Separate the message from the delivery—feedback may be valuable even if it’s not communicated perfectly.
- Follow-Up: Substantiate feedback by asking other trusted sources for their view.
- Forward-Thinking: Translate feedback into actionable steps and set goals to address key points. Following up with the feedback giver demonstrates accountability and commitment to growth.
Handling Challenging Feedback
Even with the right mindset, some feedback can be tough to process. Here are strategies for navigating challenging scenarios:
- Expect to be Challenged: Don’t be surprised if you hear something that hurts.
- Managing Emotions: If you feel defensive or upset, take a moment to breathe and compose yourself. Ask for a follow-up conversation if needed.
- Reframing Criticism: Shift your mindset to see criticism as an opportunity to learn rather than an attack on your character. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m being unfairly judged,” try, “What can I take away from this to improve?”
- Seeking Clarity: If the feedback is unclear or feels overly critical, ask respectful, open-ended questions such as, “Could you provide an example to help me understand better?” or “Can you explain what success would look like in this context?”
- Addressing Unfair Feedback: Not all feedback will feel justified. When this happens, focus on understanding the giver’s perspective. If needed, calmly present your side: “I appreciate your feedback; I’d like to share some additional context that might clarify the situation.”
When handled with openness and professionalism, even difficult feedback can lead to valuable insights and improved relationships.
Feedback and Learning Cultures
Receiving feedback with grace and actionability benefits you and contributes to a broader ‘ME’ to ‘WE’ culture within your organisation. A workplace where feedback is normalised and welcomed fosters learning, collaboration and mutual respect.
Here’s how you can play your part in building this culture:
- Lead by Example: Be proactive in asking for feedback and show openness when receiving it. Your attitude sets the tone for those around you.
- Acknowledge Constructive Feedback: When colleagues provide thoughtful feedback, thank them and show how you’ve implemented it. This reinforces the value of constructive dialogue.
- Encourage Reciprocity: Show others you’re open to feedback by regularly asking for their thoughts. A simple “How can I improve on this?” can inspire others to embrace the feedback process.
Demonstrating receptiveness to feedback sets a powerful example for leaders, creating an environment where growth is a shared priority. For more insights on how leaders can foster this kind of environment, see our earlier article, “The ‘F’ in Feedback: A Leader’s Guide to Giving Feedback.”
Conclusion
Feedback is a gift—one that holds the potential to propel your personal and professional growth. By asking for feedback proactively, listening with focus and responding constructively, you turn feedback into a tool for self-improvement. Remember, receiving feedback isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Each piece of feedback you receive, whether positive or critical, offers an opportunity to learn, adapt and thrive.
